My parents do not allow me to have fun, all they want me to do is work, work, work and no play

They have the following characteristics:

I am just starting this list Here are a few common characteristics I have seen:

Each parent was emotionally abused by their parents. There is a high chance they were also physically punished.

The parents lay guilt trips on their children and teenagers.

The parents make their children and teens feel responsible for the feelings of the parents.

The parents invalidate their children and teens.

The parents are unforgiving.

The parents are judgmental.

The parents frequently disapprove of the child or teen's actions or feelings.

The parents emotionally abandon their children and teens.

They may also:

- Ridicule the child or teen

- Mock the child or teen

- Humiliate the child or teen

- Ignore the child or teen

- Threaten the child or teen either with punishment, rejection or abandonment

Overscrutinized your eating, appearance, hobbies, or social life

Pressured you with perfectionistic expectations or unattainable standards

Forbade you from questioning or disagreeing with them

Discouraged you from expressing anger, fear or sadness around them

Violated your privacy

Intimidated, manipulated or overpowered you

Discouraged your efforts to experiment and think for yourself

Gave you no say in household rules and responsibilities

Seemed unaware of the pain they caused you or others

Seemed unwilling to admit they were wrong

 

Healthier Families	Controlling Families ( These are my parents)
Nurturing Love Parental love is relatively constant Children get affection, attention, and nurturing touch Children are told they are wanted and loved	Conditional Love Parental love is given as a reward but withdrawn as punishment Parents feel their children "owe" them Children have to "earn" parental love
Respect Children are seen and valued for who they are Children’s choices are accepted	Disrespect Children are treated as parental property Parents use children to satisfy parental needs
Open Communication Speaking honestly is valued more than speaking a certain way Questioning and dissent are allowed Problems are acknowledged and addressed	Stifled Speech Children are told things like "Don’t ask why" and "Don’t say no" Questioning and dissent are discouraged Problems are ignored or denied
Emotional Freedom It’s okay to feel sadness, fear, anger and joy Feelings are accepted as natural	Emotional Intolerance Strong emotions are discouraged or blocked Feelings are considered dangerous
Encouragement Children’s potentials are encouraged Children are praised when they succeed and given compassion when they fail	Ridicule Children feel on trial Children are criticized more than praised
Consistent Parenting Parents set appropriate, consistent limits Parents see their role as guides Parents allow children reasonable control over their own bodies and activities	Dogmatic or Chaotic Parenting Discipline is often harsh and inflexible Parents see their role as bosses Parents accord children little privacy
Encouragement of an inner Life Children learn compassion for themselves Parents communicate their values but allow children to develop their own values Learning, humor, growth and play are present	Denial of an Inner Life Children lack compassion for themselves Being right is more important than learning or being curious Family atmosphere feels stilted or chaotic
Social Connections Connections with others are fostered Parents pass on a broader vision of responsibility to others and to society	Social Dysfunction Few genuine connections exist with outsiders Children are told "Everyone’s out to get you"

Abusing Perched atop a volcano of resentment, Abusing parents verbally or emotionally bully — or physically or sexually abuse — their children. When they’re enraged, Abusing parents view their children as threats and treat them accordingly.

Using Determined never to lose or feel one-down, Using parents emotionally feed off their children. Hypersensitive and self-centered, Using parents see others’ gains as their loss, and consequently belittle their children.

Perfectionistic Paranoid about flaws, Perfectionistic parents drive their children to be the best and the brightest. These parents fixate on order, prestige, power and/or perfect appearances.

Depriving Convinced they will never get enough of what they need, Depriving parents withhold attention and encouragement from their children. They love conditionally, giving affection when a child pleases them, withdrawing it when displeased.

Step 1:
Ways that you can tell if your parent is emotionally abusive is to watch their behavioral patterns. Here are a few ways to tell... 1. They are unable to bond with you and tend to ignore you and not support you. They may show very little interest in you and may be their in presence but ignore their child as if they were not there.

Step 2:
2. They may over isolate you, not allowing you to take part in activities with friends and expecting you to staying your room the entire day.

Step 3:
3. They may reject you, telling you that you are not wanted and make you feel less of a person. Tell you that you are worthless and want you to leave, perhaps blaming you for everything that goes wrong. Calling you names and not showing any emotion about making you feel like crap.

Step 4:
4. Terrorizing you and never giving you a break from feeling worthless, screaming at you, criticizing and punishing you for everything. They may set unrealistic expectations for you to meet and be mad when you can not.

Step 5:
5. They may corrupt you by showing you things a normal parent would not allow such as violence towards others and animals. Drinking alcohol and doing drugs, just showing you things that you are normally taught are wrong. Criminal acts like stealing and all those type of actions.

Step 6:
Emotional abuse is so damaging to a person. Even with extensive counseling it is hard to overcome the damage of it. It can be hard to diagnose since there are no physical signs. It can manifest into many different signs such as insecurities, poor self-esteem, destructive behavior, withdrawal, difficulty forming relationships with others, alcohol or drug use, suicidal thoughts and angry acts. Also depression and cutting are other forms this can take on you. If you feel that your parent is emotionally abusive then it may seem like you are stuck and you can not do anything about it. You may feel that they are right about the things they say since they are your parents and are supposed to protect you and take care of you. Let me tell you you have options!

"Brainwashing" and "programming" are terms used more and more frequently by experts of parental child abduction. These term may initially offend or alienate the reader who is not familiar with Parental Alienation and abduction dynamics. "Brainwashing" and "programming" -- or changing a child's belief systems, -- may be intentional, or, it may be the unintentional process of a parent imposing their belief systems on the child through an extended period of inadvertent repetition.
"Brainwashing" and "programming" are terms used more and more frequently by experts of parental child abduction. These term may initially offend or alienate the reader who is not familiar with Parental Alienation and abduction dynamics. "Brainwashing" and "programming" -- or changing a child's belief systems, -- may be intentional, or, it may be the unintentional process of a parent imposing their belief systems on the child through an extended period of inadvertent repetition.

1.	Rejecting - The child's legitimate need for a relationship with both parents is rejected. The child has reason to fear rejection and abandonment by the alienating parent if positive feelings are expressed about the other parent and the people and activities associated with that parent.
2.	Terrorizing - The child is bullied or verbally assaulted into being terrified of the target parent. The child is psychologically brutalized into fearing contact with the target parent and retribution by the alienating parent for any positive feelings the child might have for the other parent. Psychological abuse of this type may be accompanied by physical abuse.
3.	Ignoring - The parent is emotionally unavailable to the child, leading to feelings of neglect and abandonment. Divorced parents may selectively withhold love and attention from the child, a subtler form of rejecting which shapes the child's behavior.
4.	Isolating - The parent isolates the child from normal opportunities for social relations. In PAS, the child is prevented from participating in normal social interactions with the target parent and relatives and friends on that side of the family. In severe PAS, social isolation of the child sometimes extends beyond the target parent to any social contacts which might foster autonomy and independence.
5.	Corrupting - The child is missocialized and reinforced by the alienating parent for lying, manipulation, aggression toward others or behavior which is self destructive. In PAS with false allegations of abuse, the child is also corrupted by repeated involvement in discussions of deviant sexuality regarding the target parent or other family and friends associated with that parent. In some cases of severe PAS, the alienating parent trains the child to be an agent of aggression against the target parent, with the child actively participating in deceits and manipulations for the purpose of harassing and persecuting the target parent.

 

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